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I withdrew myself and didn't take any of my exams. I don't think that I could live with myself if you also killed yourself.Gentle tears started to trickle down my cheeks, as I thought of theimpact her brother's death had on Mum. I couldn't imagine the grief andguilt she must have felt to withdraw herself like that. My mind startedto whirl in confusion on what she'd said and implied. Mum must havetruly loved her brother to have helped him keep such a secret. But whydid he kill himself? Was I that similar to Uncle James? Why does Mumthink I would want to kill myself? This doesn't make sense.I'd been terribly wrong. I thought that Mum was an uncaring mother whowanted nothing to do with me. For the last twenty years she had carriedthis guilt in her heart and was hoping that I wouldn't kill myself. PoorMum must have been in torture for the last few years as it became obviousthat I was like her brother. As you grew up you reminded me of my brother and you were a . " Oh..." I said, suddenly feeling awkward. I took a deep breath and tried to decide how I was going to talk to him about what had happened. I felt such a connection with him on the dance floor -- our body chemistries must be perfect for each other -- but I didn't really know him. I didn't know what I was getting into and I knew that after sleeping with him once with no strings attached he might think he was in for the same thing. But I didn't want that anymore. I was done with loveless relationships and physical pleasure without intimacy. Besides, I was quickly deciding that I was more than in lust for this man. This man, who showed me how intelligent he was but how he had to hide that intelligence. The man who had made me love myself all through high school with his pretty words and affections.As we reached the car I knew I was running out of time."Jimm..." I said as I slid into the front seat. I didn't even have time to finish his name before his lips were on mine. It was different.
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